Betting on the NFL

So, a few pieces of information that have occurred in the last two days that have me wondering why I ever, EVER think I have any business betting on the NFL.

(Note: Of course, it’s illegal to bet on football, this column is purely for illustrative purposes only. Cough.)

First, out of the 13 games played yesterday, I correctly predicted the outcome of…3. THREE. Now, some of that is because I broke my cardinal rule of not changing my picks at the last minute (I did, for three games, all of which went the original way I’d thought.) But it doesn’t matter…honestly, guessing without looking at the teams would probably get a higher return. (In fact, it does. See the next point in this list.)

Second, a guy in my office pool who knows nothing about football won this week. Why is that relevant? Because on Thursday, as he handed me the sheet with everyone’s picks on it, I had to correct his entry. See, he had entered the “score” of each matchup rather than the winner. (Each game has one of two possible entries, the # of the home team or the # of the visiting team. For example, the Ravens were #1, the 49ers were #2 in that game. In the next game, the Panthers were #3, the Saints were #4.) Further showing how little he understands football, his score in each box was either 7 or 14. (I know, it doesn’t make sense.) He fixed the problem by converting his 7 or 14 into whatever number corresponded to the choices – e.g., a 7 became a 2, while a 14 became a 24 or a 15, etc.

And he won. Makes me want to shoot myself.

And last, while at the 49ers game, I had the following conversation with my main man Dorf:

ME: Hey, you doing any football pools this year?

DORF: Nope.

ME: Why the hell not?

DORF: Because I’m not good at it.

ME: Oh…I’d never thought about it that way.

Makes a man wonder…