Ignorant Oscar Picks

I used to be pretty good about seeing most of the movies nominated for Best Picture and the major awards. As I've gotten older and had a kid, that's gone down year after year, and I now find myself staring at the nominees and realizing that with almost no exceptions, I haven't seen ANY of these movies.

Which is kind of interesting. I also have paid almost no attention to any buzz over who is 'supposed' to win.

What I'm saying is that I'm clueless. Even more than usual.

So here then, are my picks for the Awards.  If you are filling out an Oscar ballot, as I used to do, I'm sure you think seeing the movies helps with your choices. Well ... let's see, right? It seems like a waste NOT to try this, so let's roll with it.

Edited here - I'm adding in the results. It's worth pointing out that I just started watching, but managed to get spoiled on almost everything, so here you go. 

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, Sally Field, Anne Hathaway, Helen Hunt, Jacki Weaver. I honestly have NO idea on this - didn't realize Adams and Field were in 'The Master' and 'Lincoln' respectively, and I don't know who Jacki Weaver is. I've heard that Hunt is great and naked in The Sessions, and that Anne Hathaway is great in Les Miserables ... my sister-in-law told me that Hathaway is supposed to win and I know we're supposed to be impressed that she can sing, so let's go with it.

Verdict: Ding! 1-0.

By the way, this picture here is the main one that comes up when you Google "Anne Hathaway Les Miserables." I can't imagine that there's a better example of why I don't want to see it - and I saw and really liked the play. First, I've SEEN it already. Secondly, look how sad she looks! And not even sad in a hot way! Plus, there's all the singing. I can't abide.

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Robert DeNiro, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Tommy Lee Jones, Christoph Waltz. I think the only guy here who hasn't won before is Waltz, but as a rule I'm thinking the Academy is not going to choose this year to honor Quentin Tarantino with what I hear is a shit ton of violence in Django. (Correction! They've ALL won before.) I feel like I have heard buzz about Tommy Lee Jones (though it may be just him being pissed at another awards show), so I'll go with him.

Verdict: Nope. Christoph Waltz won instead. 1-1.

Best Actress: Jessica Chastain, Jennifer Lawrence, Emmanuelle Riva, Quvenzhané Wallis, Naomi Watts.  I'm going with Jennifer Lawrence here - and it seems like Chastain would be the other choice. If there's a surprise, I guess it could be Riva as folks are raving about 'Amour' - but I doubt it.

I've heard Wallis from 'Beasts of the Southern Wild' is amazing but I think she's like eight years old and that the movie itself is good but not great. I hadn't realized Naomi Watts was even in a movie this year, let alone worthy of the award, and I can't remember what the name of that movie is, so I'll pass.

Verdict: Ding! Back on the board. 2-1.

Best Actor: Bradley Cooper, Daniel Day-Lewis, Hugh Jackman, Joaquin Phoenix, Denzel Washington. I have to assume it would be a massive shock if Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't win. I'm sure he's great - he's always great. And he sure looks like the guy.

Verdict: Correct again! 3-1.

Best Director: Michael Haneke, Benh Zeitlin, Ang Lee, Steven Spielberg, David O. Russell. I'd guess that Lee and Spielberg - both prior winners (Spielberg twice) -- are the favorites. I actually forgot that Lee won for 'Brokeback Mountain' and was going to go with him as an upset pick ... it doesn't feel quite as much of an upset knowing he's won already but I just not feeling the Spielberg pick, so I will take Ang Lee.

It's worth noting that when I saw the previews for "Life of Pi," I said that I'd rather watch two hours of that awful Brad Pitt perfume commercial on replay ... and now I've heard such good things about it - and know that Lee is one of the best directors around - that I actually want to see it. That's worth something. Probably not much, but something.

Verdict: I am on fire. Or else it's perfectly predictable. Either way? 4-1.

Best Picture: Amour, Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Django Unchained, Les Miserables, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Zero Dark Thirty.  Allow me to be the millionth person to complain that there are too many damn movies listed above. But my guess for which will win - and remember, I've seen none of these - are Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty. Given that "The Hurt Locker" won just two years ago, I'll say that Lincoln wins Best Picture, even with the Director award snub.

Verdict: Nope. Apparently, Argo was the heavy favorite, something I obviously didn't know about. Back down to 4-2.

Part of me wonders whether something like Amour could win, especially given that it's about old people dying which represents what I understand to be most of the voting Academy ... but we'll save that one for:

Best Foreign Film: Screw it, Amour is winning. Does it matter what else got nominated? If it's nominated for Best Picture OVERALL and no other foreign film is, it makes no rational sense for it not to win, so ... there.

Verdict: My logic prevails. 5-2.

Best Animated Feature Film: Though I've heard little buzz, I have heard folks saying that "Wreck It Ralph" is going to win this category. Really? From a voting Academy who is largely eligible for Social Security payments, they're voting for a movie that's charm is (apparently) from its pop culture references for those in their 30's and 40's? They're going to like references to Qbert? I'm going off and saying Pixar wins again, even if Brave isn't supposed to be great.

Verdict: Somehow it's an upset that Pixar wins. 6-2. 

Best Original Screenplay: Hey, I saw one of these! Moonrise Kingdom to be precise. And what the hell, let's go with it.

Verdict: I'm surprised that Django got the vote, though I love Tarantino's scripts. 6-3.

Best Adapated Screenplay: I guess if Lincoln wins for Best Picture it should win here, so I'll choose that. I think Argo could easily be the winner though, as I've heard great things about it.

Verdict: Looks like Lincoln wasn't the big winner I'd guessed. Argo wins instead. 6-4.

Best Costume Design: I actually saw Snow White and the Huntsman, but it wasn't great. (Side note: Why is Kirsten Stewart popular? She's pretty but a threat to Charlize Theron's beauty? Hells to the no. And she's such a flat actress ... she's the main (and only?) reason this movie sucked. Yes, I saw it on a plane. Let's go with Les Miserables.

Verdict: Crashing and burning, folks. Though apparently Kristen Stewart showed up looking like she'd been doing heroin all weekend. (We are watching on tape delay but I already know the winners.) Anna Karenina won, a movie I don't think I really realized existed. 6-5.  

Best Original Song: Sorry, but how and why is there an original song in Les Miserables? That makes no sense at ALL, and I refuse to participate. I'll take Adele's Skyfall, another movie I actually saw.

Verdict: Back on the board! This was easy, not getting too proud here. 7-5.

Best Original Score: No clue. Let's go with ... Life of Pi!

Verdict: That's funny. I got this right - PURE guess. 8-5.

Best Documentary: I saw Searching for Sugar Man, and I think it's tremendous. I can't imagine it won't win.

Verdict: Yes, indeed. I will say that I've heard about Gatekeepers and The Invisible War and would very much like to see them. I'm also very happy to get back up to 9-5. 

Best Documentary (Short): Note that this is officially the part of the ballot I enjoy the most - when I haven't even heard of the nominated films. I'll go with Redemption, but ONLY because I saw Raid: Redemption and loved it. I know they have nothing to do with each other. I'm just crazy like that.

Verdict: Cue sad foghorn sound. Something called Innocente won. I went to high school with a kid named Joe Innocente. I'm pretty sure the film isn't about him. 9-6. 

Best Short Film (Animated): I just got back from Mexico, so hoo boy do I want to go with "Fresh Guacamole," but the fact that there's something called "Maggie Simpson in “The Longest Daycare”" means I'm going with it.

Verdict: Nobody told me that Disney/Pixar had an entry here, called Paperman. So, yeah, there's that.  9-7. 

Best Short Film (Live Action): My nephew's name is Henry. Seems a perfectly reasonable way to choose this one.

Verdict: Nope. Something called "Curfew" won instead. 9-8. Getting dangerously close to .500 here. Not good, folks. Perhaps research DOES help.

Best Makeup & Hairstyling: Is this what the award used to be called? Seriously? Anyway, we're back to movies I recognize but really have very little to know on how these get judged. Let's go with  Les Miserables. 

Verdict: Nope, research doesn't help at all! Back on the board 10-8.

Best Production Design: All I hear about Life is Pi is that it looks amazing. Ding!

Verdict: Interesting. This is where "Lincoln" does sneak in a win? 10-9.

Best Film Editing: Oh, let's throw this bad boy to Zero Dark Thirty. 

Verdict: After I posted this, I heard like 12 people say that Argo was a lock here, and indeed it won. 10-10. That's NOT good. Technically, it's not bad either. It's nothing!

Best Cinematography: Right back at you, Life of Pi.

Verdict: Ding! I'm there! I'm back, baby! 11-10.

Best Sound Editing: Let's go with Lincoln.

Verdict: And then, not so much. So much not that TWO movies won, neither of which was Lincoln. A tie! Did you know that could happen? 11-11. Back to par. 

Best Sound Mixing: I SAID, let's go with Lincoln.

Verdict: Oh, no. OH, NO. 11-12.

Best Visual Effects: It's almost inconceivable to me that The Hobbit came out last year and I still haven't even considered seeing it. But I'm going with it anyway.

Verdict:  Nope. This happened. I lost again. 11-13. 

OK, in about a day we'll know if you need to see the movies to do well on an Oscar ballot...

I think you do! Generally I get more right than wrong, so I'd guess that a bit of research would have gotten me there...but if you got less than 11 right, feel accordingly ashamed.