In Douchenozzle News...

American hero - er, disgraced scumbag - Roger Clemens is testifying in Congress today. Despite being a world-class douchenozzle, I'm inclined to think Congress has more important things to think about, like two wars and a declining economy.

But nonetheless, it produced this gem of a response when Clemens was asked to explain why not just trainer Brian Mcnamee but lover/best friend/teammate Andy Pettitte also stated that Clemens told him he'd done HGH:

"Once again, Mr. Congressman, I think he misremembers the conversation that we had. Andy and I's relationship was close enough to know that if I would have known that he had done HGH, which I now know, if he was knowingly knowing that I had taken HGH, we would have talked about the subject. He'd have come to me to ask me about the effects of it."

Good god, he sounds like Mushmouth from Fat Albert.

The only question is...would he have been better served to go with, "I'm here to talk about the future, not the past?"