NFL: Week Nine

Of all the weeks this could be said…this was a wacky, wacky week in the NFL. There was, of course, the Terrell Owens debacle. More on that – but not much more – later. LaDanian Tomlinson scored four TDs which has almost become mundane. And oh yeah, two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders got busted for having sex with each other in a bar restroom.

When I mentioned this to my girlfriend, her response was… “Are you sure you just didn’t dream that?” It was a fair point, but nonetheless, this really happened. Two cheerleaders got really drunk and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. God, I love football. It's like life became Skinemax overnight. If you're at all like me, you immediately wondered what these ladies look like. Well, here's your answer. It's not quite the Coors Light commercial I had in my head, but...perhaps I'm oversharing.

In the Pick ‘Em, it came down to the classic Monday Night game which announcers made sound like the actual Super Bowl. Though we’ve had some decisive winners in weeks past, it once again went to the tiebreaker, where Boss of the Moss held off Celebrity Smackdown. B of the M is manned by Andy Cuthill -- that’s two wins for the Cuthill family (Jenn is the owner of the awesomely named Smoke a Boller), so even though they left the Bay Area for Maryland, some things are still going okay for them. (I kid! I kid! Mostly because I want them to move back.)

As the two people who read this blog know, I honor each owners win by posting a picture of a player from their favorite team. Now, my main man AC is a bit of a conundrum in this regard. Born in upstate NY, he somehow was a Bears fan when I met him, due largely to living in Chicago for awhile. Now, he seems to be leaning towards the Ravens, which…I just can’t get around. Pick a lane, my man. So, in an attempt at shame…here’s a picture to honor AC. Oh, and congrats.

I had picked the Patriots, despite them clearly being a worse team. The reason was probably the same one everyone else who went with New England had: until they proved otherwise, I wasn’t putting my money on Dungy and Manning in New England. Well, they’ve proven otherwise. And to be sure, it’s a monkey off the back. And it further cements Indy as the lone dominant NFL team this year. But let’s not throw the ticker-tape parade just yet. If we know anything, it’s that the Patriots are a shell of themselves. If we know anything else, it’s that how a team performs in a game in Week Nine means almost nothing about how they play in the playoffs.

In related idiot news, Jim Grey said the following after the game: “If you look back to 1990, three out of the five teams that went undefeated in their first nine or ten games won the Super Bowl, so that’s great news for the Colts.” Um, Jimbo? Hate to get too geeky on you, bud, but had one of those games – just one – gone the other way, you would have come up with the exact opposite conclusion. To wit, your sample size is just way too small for any analytics there.

Oh yeah, I’m a geek.

It appears there may yet be some room on the Cody Pickett bandwagon. But the true disgrace for the 49ers this weekend was Kevan Barlow and I say that not just because I was forced into starting him on my fantasy team. (It’s sad…I can’t really talk about it yet.) He got four yards. What the pluck is that?

OK, Terrell Owens. First, let’s agree on one thing – he’s a douchebag. A world-class jerk, and in a team sport there is only so much of that one can tolerate. Sure, Barry Bonds is a jerk as well, but there is just not being a nice guy…and then there is selling out your team. I read one article today that suggested if Owens was a Colt, he’d hate Peyton Manning. If he was a Patriot, he’d hate Tom Brady. And despite his answer last week, were he a Packer, he’d hate Brett Favre. (And he’d freeze his heiny off in the wintertime. But seriously…Favre, for all his wonder, makes some of the dumbest decisions of any NFL QB, and certainly of any first-round lock to the Hall of Fame. You think Owens could shrug those off? Sure…) I have absolutely no problem with the Eagles kicking his annoying ass to the curb. And I do hope they wait until the end of the season to make sure Owens doesn’t get a chance to play this season anywhere else.

All that being said, you’re just as delusional as Owens is if you think someone won’t sign him. The easy locale to suggest is the Raiders, but even Al Davis might recognize the inherent danger of putting Moss next to Owens, let alone Jerry Porter who is finally coming into his own. There are a lot of teams that need receivers – Miami, Cleveland, Chicago, Green Bay…just to name a few. Someone will take the leap. And that someone will get a lot of production out of T.O…for awhile.

And yes…the Eagles are not completely innocent in all of this. Do I respect what Andy Reid is doing? Sure. But did he and the ownership bring it on? Well, they had to suspect some of it was coming based on his behavior in San Francisco. Owens has never had a single incentive to change being a world-class punk. Why would he change now? The Eagles gambled, and lost, and to their credit, they are taking their losses now rather than later. That’s commendable, but they aren’t innocent victims. (On an unrelated note, I didn’t know Reid was a Mormon until reading this week’s Peter King column. Don’t know why that’s interesting to me, either.)

Here’s an open question: Who is the best team in the NFC? I say the Panthers (and their cheerleaders, once again, aren’t hurting things any). Others say the Seahawks, Cowboys and even Giants have just as much claim to that. (Sad, isn’t it, that the Eagles aren’t part of that calculus?) Heck, Amy Shriber and others might try and sell the Redskins off as the best NFC team.

Like I said, it’s an open question. Not sure how long it will be before we know the answer.

In the overall standings, Mommy and Me is holding court. Remember folks, this is Theo Shriber picking. He’s one year old. Hang your head appropriately. (On the other hand, perhaps he has a future as a sports book. Todd, Amy…something to think about.)

Until anon.