NFL: Week Six
And so we come towards the end of another week in the NFL and lookie-loo, I actually had a respectable week. This may very well mean that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding down the street, but until I hear the clippity-clop, I’m just going to assume that broken clocks are right twice a day. (Which gives me at least one more week to do acceptable.) But, as well as I may have done – and that puts me up there with regular studs Mommy and Me, Manchovy, Smoke a Boller, we are all toast.
That’s because Alex Vollmer’s Waterboys have a two game lead with one to play. That means his magic number is zero, and he is the proud owner of $75, American. For those of you technically inclined with a nose for baseball, check out Alex’s blog at Notes From the Bullpen. It’s good stuff, at least what I understand. I’m not sure if Alex is a Seahawks fan, but everyone who likes football should be a Shaun Alexander fan – ho hum, just another 4 TD day. Wow.
Today is the day that at least two coaches should be fired. Suprisingly, Jim Haslett isn’t one of them, as the Saints played respectably. Haslett – and I say this with a lot of angst – gets a season-long waiver, due not just to the hurricane and the displacement but now the season-ending injury to Deuce McAllister. (Of course, after the season, he should be sent packing.)
No, the two coaches who need to start looking for new jobs are Mike Tice and Norvelle Turner. Tice is almost too obvious – not only has the team massively, massively underachieved (though let it be stated that I didn’t buy it), one of his running backs is out for the season after failing drug tests and getting caught with the Whizzanator – and now most of his star players were apparently involved in a sex orgy on some boats on Lake Winnetonka. Folks, this story writes itself. If you can’t control the team off the field, and their on-the-field performance reeks, there’s only one person to blame. If that person also apparently has the IQ of a sugar beet, then it’s a pretty easy decision to make.
Norvelle Turner – I call him Norvelle, as does Al Davis – is the next guy to go. The Raiders were also overhyped, but even with that porous defense the offense should be scoring points. And they are not. What’s more, the team just plays like it doesn’t care. Finally, just listening to Norvelle talk in the press conferences is disheartening – he sounds like he’s about to CRY, and I’m thinking that’s not the Lombardi-esque attitude most players need to be inspired. It’s time to go, Norvelle.
Note – I am basing the fact that the team plays uninspired on a few highlights I saw on ESPN. Despite living in the Bay Area, I couldn’t watch the Raiders-Chargers game, a game I had a lot of interest in for fantasy football purposes. That’s because the Raiders fans – who like to pretend they are the best in the league – didn’t sell out the game. Sure, it’s just a division rival, why bother? The next time anyone tells you the Raider fans are the best in the league, the only correct response is, “Yes, at going to prison.” I can’t think of anything else they’re good at.
Michael Vick…oh, Michael. So talented, so fragile. I’ve been having a off an on discussion with Senor Andy Cuthill about whether or not Vick is the most overhyped player of his day. I keep saying, “Give it time, let’s see what he’s really about.” But Michael, we can’t see that if you keep getting banged up. This really helps prove yet another one of my many brilliant insights – the difference between an elite athlete and tons of other athletes has less to do with athletic skill than it does with the ability to not get hurt. Sure, Bo Jackson might have been the greatest running back of all-time, but we’ll never know. Mike Sherrard was supposed to be a great wideout, but the guy was like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. It’s possible the Falcons will, on the strength of an overall good team and an overall weak NFC, make it all the way to the Super Bowl. I doubt it, but it’s possible. If they do, and they somehow win, it will be harder to make the claim that Vick is totally overrated. But right now, he’s more hype than anything else.
LaDanian…it’s a preposterous name, but he is clearly above even Shaun Alexander as the obvious best running back in football. And I’ll say this here and now – he just might be sealing a legacy as the greatest ever. Yep, I said it. I actually said it a few weeks ago – and yesterday, all he did was rush, catch and throw a TD. Dude, that’s just showing off.
It would be hard not to mention the fact that Ricky Williams is back, but I don’t have much to add. Eight yards is not much to brag about, and I love that Ricky is sort of a national joke – but he does seem like a genuinely nice person, if confused. I’m not sure I’d want him as a teammate – anyone who outright quits is not exactly someone I want on my side – but he seems like someone who is trying to figure out who he is. Not sure that matters in the scope of football, but so be it.
Speaking of running backs who gained very few yards – Kevin Jones? You stink. I honestly thought you were a mini-version of LaDanian, or even Marshall Faulk – run, catch, do everything sort of player. Yesterday, you averaged less than two yards a carry.
Let’s think about this for a second – a yard being three feet, less than two yards is shorter than most men, and clearly most football players. That means that Jones averaged less than what he would have averaged if he’d been allowed to do nothing else than simply fall down face first. For shame…
Of all the things I thought I could predict, I never saw Jake Plummer beating the Patriots. This either means Count Shanahan has gotten Plummer whipped into shape, or the Pats have just as many problems as their nay-sayers suggest. Time will tell.
The fact that the Redskins held in there against the Chiefs tells me more about the Redskins than anything else. Brunell to Moss and a little bit of Portis might be enough to get them somewhere, if that defense can keep going strong.
For those baseball-inclined, I must say that I’m intrigued about the possibility of the White Sox ending a longer streak than the Red Sox did last year. And I really can’t decide who in the NL I want to go more – I’d say the Astros, but that means Roger Clemens who is the embodiment of all that is sick and wrong (and he’s also the greatest pitcher of my lifetime, for what it’s worth). I just HATE him. But Tony LaRussa gets way too much credit for being a “brilliant” manager when he doesn’t seem to be that at all. The only thing I like about LaRussa is that he has said that when he retires, he wants to open up a bookstore. That’s it. I’m going with the Astros, if for no other reason than just about NO ONE will watch a Houston-White Sox series, and that’s always amusing.
Until we meet again…