On Jerry Rice

Flash 80...he was, without any reasonable doubt, the greatest wide receiver in the history of the National Football League. Some argue that he's the greatest PLAYER, regardless of position. My red-and-gold fever is fierce, but even I won't make that claim. (Though...who is? Something to mull over.) But still, nothing gives me chills like seeing Jerry catch a slant pass and just glide past diving defenders, into the endzone, arms outstretched. Catching balls with one hand, and scoring...relentlessly. He was the ultimate threat, the ultimate team player and he never did anything but make 49ers fans proud.

Which is why THIS, despite the photographic evidence, NEVER HAPPENED:

On the other hand, apparently Dancing with the Stars had twice as high ratings as the Closing Ceremonies of the Most Boring Olympics Ever...so maybe that isn't all bad?

No...it's bad. It's very, very bad.