The Unofficial Official Golfer Rankings

Who is THAT guy? Who is a mule? What IS a mule?

Devoted golf sickos listen to a variety of golf podcasts, including the Shotgun Start - and awhile back, one of the hosts Andy Johnson started stating that Jordan Spieth wasn’t a special golfer anymore, and that he was “just a guy.” At the time he started this, Spieth was still ranked quite highly (and as of this writing he’s 12th in the world) so it seemed like a bit of a hot take.

Upon receiving news that he was “just a guy,” Spieth recoiled in horror.

I took the bait - because that’s how I roll - but as my Slack golf group started going more and more into this, I realized I was misinterpreting what “just a guy” meant. Because there are a LOT of categories in play here.

As Nick Hornby pointed out in High Fidelity, there’s a type of guy who LOVES to make lists and I’m one of them. So when I had the time, I dove in. And with Rory McIlroy yet again not closing the deal at a major, it’s a good time to put this out there, noting of course that by its very nature this is a fluid, ever-evolving ranking. Also, it’s MY ranking but I’m always eager to hear suggestions of where I got something wrong.

First, let’s define the tiers:

THE GUY

Any player in this tier is a threat to win EVERY week, and backs it up in majors and BDEs*. If he tees it up in a non designated event, we expect nothing less than a T5.

* Big Dick Events. This incredibly not politically correct terminology is courtesy of No Laying Up, but is meant to include non-majors that mean something like national opens, THE PLAYERS, etc.

JUST A  GUY (JAG)

Complicated, but this is someone who has been THE GUY, but is not a realistic option week to week even though he’s still doing good enough to be top-50, etc. If you bet on him to win a major, you’re probably not happen come Sunday.

THOSE GUYS

They haven’t climbed the mountain yet, but you KNOW they have it in them, and if you like them, you suspect greatness is just ahead. They are more likely to win a major than a JAG. Those guys either become THE GUY or a HORSE.

HORSES

These are guys who can win, and have won, but mostly are just “in the race.” They often have very few yellow squares on Wikipedia.  Can be bi-sected into thoroughbreds and others, but we’re not doing that.

MULES

These are guys who are the golfers we all know, who keep their cards and make the playoffs as much as they miss them. They notch enough top performances to keep their cards - including the occasional win (rarely at a BDE),, but they’re never really in the mix and often rarely qualify for majors.

NOBODIES

These are guys who fill out fields. True golf sickos know their names, and some of them keep their card every year, but others are Build-A-Golfer both in talent and charisma. Their biggest fans are their fellow alumni or families.

BAD DUDES

Every sport needs a villain, and these are them.  They’ve won - and may well win again - but they are unlikable for a variety of reasons.  Not all of them have to be in LIV.

OK, so assuming we’re all set here, let’s reveal my current rankings.

THE GUYS

By its very nature, this is a small group. It currently includes Jon Rahm, Scottie Scheffler and Brooks Koepka. Brooks was not in this group until he won his fifth major this year, the PGA. Cam Smith was here after his 2022 season which was dominant and included a major, but he’s shown very little in 2023 including in all the majors. Going to LIV has hurt him for sure in terms of these rankings.

JUST A  GUY (JAG)

A lot longer list, which starts with McIlroy until he notches another major. Spieth lives here and as noted, is part of the reason this list exists. Other notes - Justin Thomas might have two majors but has been in such bad form he’s almost out - following Collin Morikawa is, who was here but now officially has looked especially mediocre for two solid years. He’s out. Keegan Bradley and Rickie Fowler might be generously included here, but both have had such nice rebound years that it feels worth rewarding.

THOSE GUYS

Honestly, outside of THAT GUYS, this is the most fun group to watch and root for. All of these guys can threaten to win serious events, and all have their reasons to root for them.

These guys move up by winning a major which means for Matty Fitz, this isn’t very nice but honestly he’s more in the HORSE territory, but as he won this year after winning the US Open last year, I’m keeping him here.

HORSES

In theory, these are guys who win and compete each week, but don’t win majors. You’ll note this list includes two 2023 major winners in Wyndham Clark and Brian Harman. Harman is maybe the prototypical horse, always near the top but rarely winning. His major win was awesome but his career and age suggest it’s likely a career defining moment. Clark, on the other hand, is young and has all the tools that could have him moving upwards out of this tier. Morikawa is back here, joining thoroughbreds like Cantlay and Schauffele who cost many avid golfers money every major when they bet on them to finally win something that matters, only to be yet again disappointed. I think this list shouldn’t include Seamus Power, but here he is. Guys like Talor Gooch, Harold Varner III and Jason Kokrak would be prototypical horses, but they now don’t play in the PGA so its hard to know what they are - and none of them have shown out in the majors, so they’re bumped. For guys who think being on this list is an insult, I say simply: #PlayBetter

(You’ll also see that Sungjae Im is both here and a THOSE GUY. That’s an oversight, but worth noting that he’s indisputably a horse because he plays so many damn events.)

MULES

Like Horses, this list isn’t nearly comprehensive. There are many, many mules out there so this is meant to be illustrative and not a complete list.

Does it feel wrong to include Tommy Fleetwood here after he just competed in The Open? No, no it does not. He’s never won on the PGA Tour and he fades in every major. I love the guy. He needs to show up more.

NOBODIES

First, I want to acknowledge I hate this label. These are some of the very best golfers in the world, and yet as far as the competitive golf world is concerned, they are fairly interchangeable. This list could be the majority of golfers out there - a true problem for the PGA Tour it has never wanted to deal with - but here’s who I selected as poster children:

I included Bryson DeChambeau here because I’m still not entirely sure he likes golf anymore - but then his performance in a few majors this year has me wondering.

BAD DUDES

While it’s true that most of these guys are in LIV, most all of them are guys it’s somewhat fun to root against. I’ve included Brooks “Cobra Kai” Koepka here, but that’s more of a compliment to the image he’s tried to cultivate, and I tend to enjoy it when Koepka is involved. This really doesn’t have much to do with the rankings, and hence many of these guys appeared elsewhere, but thought it would be fun to include them here.

That’s a lot, I know, but hopefully it sets the table. This will be continually updated as guys either rise to the occasion or fade.

What did I get wrong? What sticks out?