Friday Fun: Things I Think I Think

Alternative Title: Things I Am Correct About

I’m really not trying to be a Hot Take Artist - ever, in my life, but not here specifically - because the world has way, way too many of these. But I’ve proffered a few of my opinions of late and gotten slightly more push back than I’d expected. And I feel QUITE strongly that I’m right on these things. Let me know if you agree.

1. If you are sitting in Economy Class, you shouldn’t recline your seat. The airlines have squished everyone so damn close that unless the person behind you is a child, or the seat is unoccupied, you getting a bit of extra comfort comes at the serious expense of someone else’s. It’s not nice, and it’s not worth it. It seems that some people have never even considered that this is bad form, so if you’re one of those people - think about it. Don’t just do it, and if you must, recline slowly. (People might have food or a laptop open, and a seat slamming backwards will result in bad outcomes.) But most of all, don’t do it.

   

2. Prestige Movies are TOO DAMN LONG. Don’t think so? The average length of a film nominated for Best Picture is 2 hours, 24 minutes this year. Yes, that’s higher because Avatar: The Way of Water is over three hours long, but there are also two films under two hours. So that balances out. There’s SEVEN other movies that are substantially over two hours, and guys…that’s often way, way too long. I’m not here to say folks should stop making such long movies but … yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I haven’t seen all of these, but the ones I’ve seen almost all could have benefitted from some trimming, with the exception of Top Gun: Maverick and Everything Everywhere All At Once, and both of those are below the average time above. Somehow, directors and studios have decided that a film is better and more of an awards candidate if it lasts longer. It’s time to stop this nonsense. I watched the documentary Navalny (which is EXCELLENT) and one of the many things I loved about it was that it was 90 minutes. That’s what most movies used to be! Make Movies Great Again!

3. I am still not convinced that the Space Force is real. It always seemed like one of the many, many ludicrous our former apricot-tinged President talked about, but I guess it IS real? Like, there’s a fifth arm of the military now? And it’s for space? The proof, apparently, is at Sawgrass, home of THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP.

   

   Photo credit: Tron Carter, ProTraj Holdings.

   I have more questions about why they are flying all the flags of the military here whatsoever, but it’s Florida where laws run rampant and I try my best to stay away. Listen, I’m poking fun here - anyone who is a member of the Space Force is serving our country, and props for that, but this seems very, very silly and not just because SPACE FORCE was a satirical TV series starring Steve Carrell. (I don’t know anyone who watched this, but the cast is terrific. Is it any good? Let me know.)

4. I would like to be a horrible owner of a sports team. To be clear, I’d much rather be a GREAT owner of a sports team, but I was thinking the other day about turds like Jimmy Haslam, Daniel Snyder, James Dolan and others. They’re absolute death blows for their teams. (Death Blow! When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether!) But do they care? No, because they are soulless evil villains, but also because they are just getting wealthier by owning these teams, and they get to basically play fantasy sports on a grand level. Would it be good for the 49ers to have me in the draft room? Deciding what beers should be sold in the stadium? A good owner would steer clear of that. But hey - I’ve played Madden, I’m reasonably good at fantasy football. You’re telling me if I had a few billion dollars I wouldn’t convince myself that I’d be well within my skills to chime in? Hell NO.

5. There is way, way, WAY too much content out there right now. How does anyone keep up? This month features the end of The Last of Us, the return of shows like Succession, Ted Lasso, The Mandalorian, Perry Mason, Top Chef, Survivor (yes I said it) and probably many others. Then there are new shows I keep hearing about like Liaison, and meanwhile I’m trying to watch at least SOME of the nominated films for the Oscars (even though I’ll do my best to skip the awards show itself). Also? I like watching sports on TV. How is anyone supposed to keep up?